Everything is out of focus

April 08, 2015  •  1 Comment

 
Everything is out of Focus
     

While Struggling to find reason; I remind myself that things don’t always happen for a reason.
Sometimes bad things just happen. 
Good people make bad choices, bad choices cause broken hearts.




These are the eyes of a girl, a mother, a friend.
These eyes have seen so much.
Unimaginable things lay behind them.


 

Things happen.
Things change.
Things get hard.
People die.



 

I Hide.



I’m still having a hard time wrapping my mind around what’s going on in my world.
I’m in a living nightmare. I wonder if it’s really just a nightmare most days; but, it’s not.
I’ve left bruises trying to pinch myself out of this.

I don’t wake up this is my new reality.

 



Life has forever Changed.
I can feel it in my bones, my soul, my existence. 
There’s something missing.



My hopes are forced to Change.
My dreams will never come true.
There’s nothing I can do to give them a second chance.



I don't do this well.

I feel myself breaking up at times, like I'm getting a weak signal.
The world falls back and I'm consumed in thoughts.

 

Everything is out of focus.



These strange parts of me show themselves.
Who are you?
You don't look like me.



There's so much to be sad about,
I could 
cry
for 
eternity,
BUT
My gut tells me; get mad.



My pain is always easier to manage as anger.
Pain turns to anger, anger turns to... 
well, I'm still working on that one.




I’m confused, hurt, SAD, overwhelmed…..

Most often my walls break and the dam spills; the tears just don't stop.
I can't stop remembering.
I can't stop the feels.
They just take me and they don't give up.
They don't give in.
They make me face this head on.
There's no hiding from this.
I can't just....
Not look at it.

It's REAL. 
and it's here to stay.





I’ll never understand.
Even though I think I'll always try.

I don't think my mind bends that far...

 




I’ll soldier on through each day no matter what tries break me.
I remember the good things, I still give them Life.
I am the key, and I'll never lock that door.


​But, 
seriously WTF!


Stone Hard, this life has molded me into what I need to be, but I won’t fall far: I can only be still for so long.




New Dreams are coming, a new life needs to be learned.
I see the light, and I'll look for it each day, no matter how dark the storm becomes.
I'll finish things we started just to see them completed.
.....and I'll always wish upon a star.
 


Comments

Katelyn(non-registered)
Absolutely beautiful! You are so strong! Love you girl! <3
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